Joan Ellen Cornell

12:19 AM

I need this space

I need a place to go to write and so i'm back. I'm back and i'm really excited to have this little piece of the internet to call mine again :) I'm currently phasing out Facebook, which has been interesting and awesome (for another time in another post). But I figured out that I need a place to share pictures and thoughts and memes so i'm back here again. I also plan on doing some more sewing too so maybe some tutorials again also? We'll see! Of course lots of posts about Porter. He's starting first grade in a month...AHHHHH.
I've been working on some posts already and they're kinda all over the place, ha.
So I'm not sure what this space will turn into this time, I just do know that I need it and i'm not neglecting it anymore!

I've been thinking a lot lately about the people I choose to have in my life. Especially most recently. I look back at the people i've literally chosen to trust and care about and it makes me want to put my head through a freaking wall.

Anyway, about the netflix I was watching....

The girl on the show was giving her friend advice, trying to get through to her regarding her life in general I guess, and she said something along the lines of...

"I'm trying to help you, let you, decide about things, and not let them just, happen to you. It's so simple about being happy. It's about making decisions instead of letting life just sort of sucker punch you into the next situation."

SO FUCKING SIMPLE. It hit home so hard when I heard that. I need to make some changes, solid fucking decisions, to stop doing the same thing over and over and getting sucker punched into the next situation. Like, literally.

Right now, i'm deciding to value myself and my worth and take life by the freaking horns. I'm no longer putting my happiness into anything that makes me unhappy and question myself more than i'm actually happy and feel good. I'm going to focus on being a better person (because i'm not going to sit here and deny it - I haven't been the best person and most importantly, I haven't been good to ME. I've made some bad decisions and let the worst of me come out at times and that shit's just gotta go). I'm going to let things go that aren't healthy for me - relationships, habits, the way I deal with my feelings in all the wrong ways, hope that people will just miraculously change - and i'm going to start over.

Right now. Because why not? It's never too late.

I want a better life and i'm going to fucking make it happen. I know what I want and i'm not going to settle for anything less. I'm tired of giving up the things that mean the most to me for stupid, superficial things and trying so hard to make things what they'll never be. If any of that makes sense, haha.

GO ME!

7:30 AM

Snow Volcano

4:58 PM

|| LOREAL REVITALIFT Review ||

7:30 AM

// So grateful for this boy of mine //

This kid. I figured I'd do an update on Porter since its been a long time since I've done that. He's growing so quickly, as I'm sure all of you with kids can understand. Every day new things come out of his mouth and I find myself wondering where he learns things all the time. He loves school. He hates getting up in the morning to actually go, but he always talks so happily about it when I pick him up. And his school makes all of their food there, homemade, which has been great for him while he's there, but for me too because he's so much more willing to try things at home, and he finds a lot of things he likes while eating at school. Win win. He is obsessed with video games, specifically Super Mario. He's actually gotten pretty good...but he doesn't have video games at my house, only his dad's. He's got an iPad he uses with me (more than I'd like he would, but it's a never ending battle). He's a very sweet and loving boy. He's sympathetic and very intuitive to people and their feelings, and I absolutely admire that about him. He loves to give people hugs. He will rub my back when I'm sad and it's the sweetest thing in the entire world. He is a happy kid and I am so thankful for that. He is smart and sensitive. He voices his opinion but also is respectful- for the most part...he's still learning :) He loves to cuddle and he says he can't sleep unless he's holding my hand. He really can, but it was so cute when he said it. He's showing interest in math and adding in particular...good to see because I really disliked math when I was younger. I hope he gets it and doesn't have that struggle! He loves music, and loves to dance even more. He has his own signature "moves." He laughs a lot and likes to be funny and make other people laugh. He asks 6929 questions a day and most of which I have literally no idea how to answer. Haha.

Anyway, I think often about how I am so blessed to have gotten him for a son. He's everything I could ever want and more. I'm so proud of him and I have no doubt that he will continue to grow to be an even more amazing person every single day.

Love you Porter Lowan.