~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I knew that when I had Porter, life was going to change. It was not to be as I knew it anymore, and I prepared myself for that. Shoot, life changed pretty drastically the day I learned I was pregnant. Nothing like it has since Porter's been in this world, but it did. I knew that my life would now be about this little guy, and I accepted that and ran with it. I want to preface this post with this- I love Porter more than I have ever loved in my entire life, and that is something that is so precious to me. He will always be my first priority. Jess said something that I think came out so perfectly. "Yes it's beautiful and wonderful and you love like you haven't loved before, but what happens to us inside? You're still you, and you're still cool and can contribute to this world."

First priority. Let's talk about that. Really, I suppose I should be my own first priority, because I feel that I need to take care of myself first in order to fully take care of Porter. He needs me to be healthy, happy, and emotionally available. 

Before I had P, I went to lots and lots and lots of shows. Like, 143 in one year (that includes times of 2 shows in one night). That was the first year I moved to Colorado. The next couple of years, I went to a lot. Not quite as many, but usually once a week or so. When I found out I was pregnant, that all definitely changed. While P was in my belly, I went to a handful of shows (mostly to see our friends band, Yamn). The main reason I didn't go more often then was because I was so freakin' tired all the time, and it was way more appealing to lay on the couch. Haha. 

So once I had Porter, and I started to feel better, within a month or so I was itching to go out. To do what I loved to do. But I kept feeling like it was wrong that I already wanted to go to a show, that it was wrong that I already felt ok leaving P for the night (with his dad of course). I read on people's blogs things like "I didn't leave my child overnight for 2 years" or saw that people obviously spent every waking hour with their child, didn't leave them for more than 30 minutes to run to the store, ever. I felt like people were going to judge me for going out so soon, and being away for 12 hours or maybe longer.

But- 

I went out.

I didn't advertise it really. 

I felt like people would judge me.

I constantly wondered if it was ok to still do the things I enjoyed, even though Porter couldn't do those things with me.

And ya know what? That's SO lame. I needed to go be myself and do something that I loved, something that I loved before P was even a thought in our minds. And so I have. And i'm not going to sit here and try to say that I don't miss him (because this is coming from someone who misses her child when he takes a nap sometimes, haha), because when i'm away from him, I think about him constantly and talk about him more. I remember thinking to myself the first night I went to a show that the people I had just met probably were really tired of hearing about a baby they didn't know when they were trying to party, haha. Maybe not, but I sure did talk about him a ton. 

So being away from him for not a super long time, doing what I love and what makes me happy, makes it all the better when I do see him afterwards. Now, I'm not saying that I go out all the time, because I most definitely do not, but I am saying that there is no point in giving up everything you had in your pre-baby life that made you happy. Your child doesn't need you to be with them every second if it means you are not fulfilling yourself with those things in life you've always loved. 

We try to include Porter when we can- when it's appropriate at his age. He's been to a FIBARK Music festival, South Pearl Jam Music Festival, a Rockies game, and to Tribune County Fair, among many other places. I want to expose him to the things we love to do as soon as possible, because {secretly} I hope that someday he likes and appreciates music (and obviously other things) as much as we do. 

I also want to mention that we have left Porter with a babysitter only a handful of times. For the most part, Jeremy and I take turns going out, so that one of us is home with P. I definitely miss going with him like we used to, but that's the sacrifice we make in order to still do what we love but also be with our baby. We like it that way, and it's what works for us :)

Like Jess, I hope this inspires more moms to keep doing what they have always loved to do, pre-baby days. Our children need to see us do what makes us happy and what we love, they need to see us be passionate about life in order for them to do the same!